Rainy daze

It's amazing how there is no color in the world when clouds obscure the sun. One can board a jet in a colorless world, then take off through the clouds to sunlight above them. The sun is always there. We just don't always see it.

It's a rainy day in no, not Georgia. Well, it may be raining in Georgia, but it's also a rainy day in Northeast Ohio, at least in our little town, the heart of the county. I heard birdsong in mid-to-late February. I recognized the robin's song as soon as I heard it and it gave me hope that spring would not be long in arriving. And I've been pretty ticked off at Punxy Phil. He lied!

I had to be out running a couple of days ago, so I stopped to visit my parents for a few...I'm never sure if I'll be there for a few minutes or a few hours. I hate to just drop in, visit a few minutes, and be on my way again. But sometimes that's how it is. I think even the few minutes are good for my parents and good for me.

We were talking. I looked at Dad and said, "I'm a workaholic!"

He looked back at me. "I know what you're saying."

I used to give him a terrible time about always working. It was like he was driven to work as much as he could to make as much money as he could. He didn't do bad for someone with only an 8th grade education. He was a crane operator for a tire manufacturing concern, NRM Corporation, for many years. When I started working in the shipping/receiving department in 1972, he put a bid in for the truck driver position and got it. It was nothing for him to work 7 a.m. to 10 or 11 at night. We never knew if he was going to be home for supper or not. So, I gave him some static. Not a lot. I was afraid to say much. We'll just say I had a healthy respect for my parents and rarely talked back. I just knew Mom wouldn't tolerate mouthy disrespect. And I loved her too much to want to be a disappointment to her.

So, yes, when I admitted that I'm a workaholic, I wasn't surprised that Dad knew exactly what I was talking about. And maybe it told him that I understood exactly what he was talking about the day I said, "I am going to quit my job and stay home full time."

"What are you going to do with all of your time?" he asked. "Are you going to be able to keep busy?"

Workaholics, from my POV (that's writerly for 'point of view'), are people who are so driven to take care of responsibilities, particularly the financial ones, that they don't know how to relax, take a breath and actually breathe, to stop and smell the roses or to sit down and enjoy a movie, a tv show, a cookout with the family, an afternoon sitting lakeside while the spouse tosses a line in the water.

Mom piped up, "You are a workaholic."

I was surprised. And I have to chuckle at that. My parents keep telling me they don't want to bother me because I'm so busy. And I keep telling them that I'll always have busy work because I can't sit still without something to do--crocheting, reading, and especially writing. But I can always set my busywork aside for things that are more important, like talking to my children, going to a hamburger joint and a movie with a grandchild, visiting with my parents, helping my parents, and anything else I want to do.

Mom...I'm so blessed to have her. Our family is so blessed that the AD is progressing so slowly. It's five years since her heart-breaking diagnosis. And nearly three years since the doctor prescribed Namenda. I don't know what's in the Namenda, but it's a miracle for my mom. She keeps saying, "My brain is so dead," and it's true that she isn't as sharp-minded as she once was. Sometimes what she says isn't exactly right...can be totally wrong...but she's still Mom and she still has wisdom and knowledge that I value. And sometimes she is still right on the money. The difficulty is in being able to tell which is which.

When I pray before I go to sleep, I ask God to take care of her. I ask Him not to let the AD totally take control of her. And I trust Him to take care of her, not to let the AD take total control of her. That she'll always recognize us. And always know how much we love her.

Yeah. It's a rainy day in Northeast Ohio. And rainy days always turn my thoughts to philosophy of life. Deep thinking. But if the sun doesn't come back out soon I'm gonna have to turn on all the lights and simulate sunshine.