I'm Thinking

It's raining. Such a different day than we experienced four years ago, the day Dad left this world. On the hillside behind Mary's house the evergreens and sleeping deciduous trees of various kinds wave to me. It is cold enough to chill me so I have plugged in the little electric heater to warm my feet. This is likely the warmest room in the house.

I'm thinking about changes that need to be made. Changes already made. Change that occurs constantly in our lives.

I'm thinking about life and death, living and dying—and simply floating along.

I'm thinking about what I read about the stages of a woman's life...Virgin, Mother, Crone. At the crone stage, women make a huge choice: will they accept or change the way they are living at this moment?

I'm thinking about the lives of my ancestors and the lives of my children and grandchildren from this sandwich position I am in. And I'm pondering about how our lives, our generations overlap, how we influence each others lives.

I'm thinking about how different everything is four years after my father's passing and 19 months after Mom's passing.

© 2013 Cathy Thomas Brownfield ~ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this blog or blog entry may be used without the written consent of the author.

Evolving

Evolution: 1.) A set of prescribed movements (as in a dance.) 2.) a process of change in a particular direction. 3.) ...plants and animals descended from others with the differences due to inherited changes that occurred over many generations. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary.)

She always did the best she knew how. She encouraged her children to do the same. The horrors of Mom's Alzheimered mind have left faded memories now. Mostly I recall the good moments we shared, her hugs, her encouragement, things like, "You have done so much with your life." She was my #1 fan. And it's unlikely that I would have achieved as much as I have (and there is so much more for me to do!) if it weren't for her pushing me, urging me to try: "What's the worst that can happen?"

Did she see things I couldn't see? I recall her stories from her feminine perspective. Was she a feminist? 

 Feminism: 1.) theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. 2.) organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.

"You can do anything you want to do if you are willing to do the work it requires to get there." I believe she was telling me that my biology did not restrict me. How I perceive myself is what will restrict me.

She also understood that no matter how far society has come in recognizing the true value of women, this is still a man's world and there is a lot of work still to be done.

Her father told her, "You don't need a career. You're going to marry a man who will take care of you for the rest of your life." He died when Mom was 17 and her mother was 49. My grandmother lived to the age of 84.

Patriarch(y): 1.) a man revered as father or founder; a venerable old man; an eccleisiastical dignitary (clergyman.) 

Matriarch(y): 1.) a woman who rules or dominates the family, group or state.

I was raised in a matriarchy under patriarchy. Where were the male role models in my life? I was influenced by my mother, my grandmothers, a great grandmother and great aunts. Only one man in the family stepped forward when I was 14 and he realized my need, my mother's cousin, "Sonny." He came to our house nearly every evening. He always took time to talk to me, to encourage me, to joke and laugh with me, God bless him!

Why am I speaking of these things? Because now, with all of my foremothers gone from this world I am the role model for the generations that follow me. I am seeking to know who I am and why I am. How can I go forward if I have any doubts at all about those two things? I don't have Alzheimer's, as far as I know. Please, God, I pray that never happens. I only hope I can be an encourager to my children and grandchildren as my mother was to all of us.

Thank you, Mom. I'm going to try my best not to let you down, not to drop the ball. There is work to be done. 

(c) 2013 Cathy Thomas Brownfield ~ All Rights Reserved. This means no use of any of my material without my expressed consent. That means, ask before you borrow.