Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Missing Mom

I miss Mom. She's been gone almost six months. I could talk to her about anything. She wasn't domineering. We just got along very well, like best friends after I grew up, married and started my family. If I got in a jam, Mom was there to help me. If I wanted to go somewhere, she always said she just needed time enough to pack a bag and we could be on the way. We quilted our first quilts together. I don't think I could have done it without her. We made "cabbage patch" dolls for my daughters, Beth and Christie, and for ourselves. We did a lot of things together. If I was upset about something between my husband and me, I used Mom as a sounding board to make sure I was being fair to him. After all, my goals in marriage were to ALWAYS be a good wife.

In less than two hours time the world seems to have fallen apart. My world. It's been happening for a while. Mom and her two living brothers passed away in 2011: Uncle Ed at the end of February, Mom in August and Uncle Dale in early October. One of my adult children walked out of her marriage, nuf said. Now, another broken romance, my paycheck that for nearly 12 years has been direct deposited is no longer being direct deposited and nobody bothered to tell me about it so I don't get a payday today...and my husband gets his back up because I asked why he didn't do a menial task here and he's going to pack his stuff and leave. "Ya do what you have to do," I said. He's downstairs playing pool. I guess I'll have to fix the stupid window myself. Then I can go to Home Depot and find out how to run new water lines from the source to the water heater to the taps so I can have hot water in my kitchen after a year of living in the early 19th century instead of the 21st. And when the weather is warm enough I can get the materials and reroof the garage so it doesn't rain inside the garage as if it were outside. At this point I'm not sure why I have a man in my life.

My attitude needs a great adjustment. I am uncertain how to make that happen. And Mom is six months gone. I can go to her grave site and talk to her, but she isn't going to talk back to me. I am the matriarch now. And I don't have the answers we all need. Geez. How do I fix this?