Tears

I’m…frustrated, reminded again of what I have lost as Mom journeys through the later stages of Alzheimer’s.

It used to be when something happened in the world that piqued my interest, Mom and I would talk, share our opinions, debate things like the nature/nurture debate and, well, just about anything. She was wise and knowledgeable, had a lot of common sense. And she always helped me to get things into perspective. I tried to do the same kinds of discussions with my husband, but he’s just not into that. I might as well talk to that wall.

So, someone posted a joke at one of my online writers groups. It set something off inside of me. Even as I was going to hit the enter key to post it I thought maybe I shouldn’t. But it seemed to be something that begged, perhaps needed to be said. Eh, well. You win some and you lose some.

What does that have to do with Alzheimer’s?

Well, the person with Alzheimer’s isn’t the only one who suffers loss. Family members and close friends suffer losses, too. When they forget, we remember. And where do we go to talk to someone who will be patient, understanding and non-judgmental? If our spouses don’t understand or take an interest in us, what are we supposed to do? How do we…put everything into perspective when we don’t have a sounding board…when we feel so alone?

Sitting here crying isn’t going to help anyone. It isn’t going to fix anything. It isn’t going to make the Alzheimer’s go away. But maybe the tears will be a cleansing thing so I will wake up in the morning ready for the next round.

It’s supposed to be cloudy and 60. Surely there is an ice cream place open year round so I can break Mom out of the nursing home for a while and get her a treat. She loves ice cream. And she says she loves being with me. I’m feeling the same love for her even if we talk about the same thing over and over 300 times.