Barry Manilow

This post...you may wonder what possessed me to write it in my Alzheimer's blog. It IS related.

My sister-in-law heard a radio spot promoting the July 6 Barry Manilow concert at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh and called my brother. "That has my sister's name written all over it," he said. Then he came to see me.

"I want to give you a birthday present."
I was a little suspicious about the way he said it. "What kind of birthday present?"
"Tickets to the Barry Manilow concert at Mellon Arena on July 6."
"I don't know my way around Pittsburgh. I'll get lost!"
"I'll set you up with my GPS. It'll take you right to the place."
So, I checked with my husband. He likes some of Barry's music, but I wouldn't call him a fan. He agreed to go with me. My brother said, "You'll have Cathy alone for a while." Alone with how many other fans filling that place???

The point is, my brother and his wife have noted that I am with Mom around the clock. I finally gave up sleeping on the sofa and moved upstairs to the extra bedroom so I'm getting a restful sleep.

"You don't do much. You are always here. You need to get away. This is perfect for you." He handed me cash. "For parking. And you have to buy a t-shirt. You have to. That's a requirement at a concert."

I have NEVER gone to a concert. I am so overwhelmed with emotion that my brother and sister-in-law are doing this for me. I know I chose to take care of our mom. I'm the only one who doesn't have a full time job or a sickly spouse to take care of, so it's just logical to me that I be here. Having my wings clipped, though, limiting my activities when I've just graduated from college, is a big adjustment for me. You know, it took me 28 years to get that degree. I'd like to do something with all of that knowledge!

The ONLY thing that could make this event better is if Barry himself said, "Come on down out of that balcony and sit here in front." And if he sang "Time in New England" or "When October Goes" or "Magic." I've GOT to stop at my house and pick up my Manilow CDs. Dad may be gone, but his CD player is right beside me when I am working on my computer. Only thing is, when that music is playing I'm singing along and on my feet movin'!

The concert is still a couple of weeks away, but the anticipation of it has re-energized me. I've spent a lot of the day working on the sequel to my first novel that is in the hands of a publisher as I write these words, going through the readers. Then, I did something I haven't done in, well, I can't tell you how long because it's BEEN so long! I baked chocolate chip cookies! Mom's nose led her to me and the kitchen. LOL. She really liked the aroma wafting through the house and I noticed the twinkle in her eye that I haven't noticed much lately. I know she's leaving us a bit at a time, but there are still moments that reach out and wrap themselves around us and she knows. When will I ever stop the tears flowing when I think of these moments I have to write down before they are forgotten and later I will pull out the journal or the stories and read them and remember the moments for both of us.

Emotions. They run rampant with me. I'm a writer, a creative mind who long ago said to God, "I want to feel the full extent of all the emotions so I will understand and be able to write the things that will touch hearts and minds and let them know they are not alone.

So I'm sitting here crying small tears about my mom and the way she tries to keep using her brain. And she comes around the corner with some money folded in her hand.

"Cathy, I want you to take this and use it toward your schooling."

"Mom, I'm finished with school."

"I thought you said you were going to go some more."

"In a year."

"Then you tuck that away and use it when you go. If I can give you more I will. I just don't have a lot to give you."

And I thought of the woman in the New Testament. She threw her pennies into the collection basket and was criticized because it was so little. But Jesus said she was blessed because she gave all that she had.

Mom has given all that she has for the family she has loved all of her life, even when she wasn't sure she was loved back. She still has given her all. And that is why I am staying here. That's why I look after her. That's why I won't give up on her. I have her back. Lord God, I have her back. And you have both of us in the palm of your hand.

And I'm bawling my eyes out. Mom, too.

(c)2009 Cathy Thomas Brownfield